Top Ten Twitter Bios

Pretty self explanatory.  If you have suggestions on the rankings or new ones to add, please tweet/comment/e-mail me. 

The decisions of Thul are final.

(yes, the decisions of the "tool" are final... hardy har har)


TOP TEN TWITTER BIOS

1. I killed a lot of hitchhikers once. - @TakeSumE
    
2. I type words on my home computer and then, using an internet connection, I post those words to the world wide web. In my spare time I teach first grade. - @cheeseboy22
    
3. I come over here when I've pissed the Facebook people off. - @JuliAnaB
    
4. I can control your mind, then I will probably eat you. - @psychicrocodile
    
5. I squeeze my toothpaste from the middle. - @kimberleebic
    
6. I'm a comedian. I also like taking pictures in my underwear to fill the hole in my ego where parental love should be. - @aprilmacie
    
7. No idea what I'm doing here, peer pressure is a horrible thing. - @YeungJeans
    
8. I'm the only bee in your bonnet - @abitterfiglet
    
9. Made it from child actor to adult actor without a single trip to rehab.... - @kaceybarnfield
    
10. blah blah blah - @spicyasian

Rock and Roll Faux of Fame (ver 1.1) #RnRFoF

I figure SOMEONE needs to be in charge in cataloguing the huge number of completely awesome band names that emerge in Twitter. 

I'll gladly assume that responsibility. 

Here is a small starter list, please comment/e-mail/tweet me with others.

ROCK AND ROLL FAUX OF FAME (#RnRFoF) Ver 1.1
 
Selfish Porcupine, Bionic Turtle - @anniecolbert
 
Cake Zombies - @YeungJeans 

God Particle -  @natekelly

Arboretum Pathway - @TakeSumE    http://twitpic.com/7w4xl2

Biopsychosocial Context - @garwboy

Tattered Libido - @orzelc

 

Massive Thatchers - @megpickard
 

Fountains of Methane - @lastcurfew
 

Joplin - @LisaMarieBowman
 
Social Butterflies - @sarahvargo

I am not including my "Rhymes With Bunt", because that is not the kind of band name you share with polite company.

Many, many, more to come...

ver 1.1: added @anniecolbert names. I am ashamed I missed them initially

Just STOP

If you are adding new material to your EXISTING blog, do not say "I am adding a new blog tonight".

You are adding a post.

This completes my new post to my blog.

(Un)dead math

Given my fixation on things zombie, @mattress2448 posed the following question to me:

If a vampire bites a zombie, will it turn into a zombie or will the zombie turn into a vampire?

My initial response was that the vampire would get zombified.  This assessment was challenged by several folks, so let's get all scientifical about it.

Since (shockingly I might add) there are few zombie or vampire related operands in math, I had to introduce the following:

vv = vampire bite
\\\ = zombie scratch
mm = zombie bite

Now, I believe the following are not contested

Zombie (Z1) mm Human (H) = Zombie (Z2)
Zombie (Z1) /// Human (H) = /// Human (H)
Vampire (V1) vv Human (H) = Vampire (V2)

Since the second equation about does not yield an outcome relevant to the question - we discard it.  But we did get to use the way cool /// symbol.  Now, solving for human...

mm H = Z2-Z1
vv H = V2-V1

Divide by vampire bite

(mm H) / vv = (Z2-Z1) / vv
H = (V2/V1) / vv

Substitute for H

mm (V2/V1 / vv) / vv = (Z2-Z1) / vv

Cross multiply

mm (V2/V1 / vv) / (Z2-Z1).....

Well...  OK, lemme work on this some more....

I need a life...

The Walking Dead Rankings

As we approach halftime in season 2 of The Walking Dead, I felt it was time to share my mid-season rankings on the characters' favor-ability in my eyes.

(Graphic novel character development omitted from this ratings)

1. Daryl Dixon 
2. Glenn
3. Rick Grimes
4. Otis  
5. Maggie Greene
6. Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas 
7. Carol Peletier 
8. Carl Grimes
9. Dale Horvath
10. Hershel Greene  
11. Well walker
12. Sophia Peletier (JUST SHOW UP DAMMIT)
13. Merle Dixon 
14. Lori Grimes
15. Andrea
16. Shane Walsh

Zombie on the hot seat

While I am truly enjoying the second season of Walking Dead, I have noticed the walkers have seemed much faster this season.  Suspiciously faster.  Could they be juicing?  I sat down with one of them and asked the hard questions...

INTERVIEW WITH A WALKER

KT: Good afternoon

W: argh hhmt zaaa
(I want to bite you)

KT: We'll see about that.  So, enjoying the second season of Walking Dead?

W: eerd cess toggo tommieees
(Outside of a crossbow bolt in my thigh and having some bad Chinese one night, a Mr. Chu I believe, can't complain)

KT: You seem to be much quicker this season.  Larger too.  I am also noticing some acne between your wounds.  How can you explain that?

W: toogh mantnaaa..gaaarrr... umgongga
(Well, I got a new trainer and try and to focus on small meals more often... jockeys and such)

KT: I have your CDC tests here.  You have tested positive for performance enhancing drugs SIX times this season.  No action was taken because you have tended to eat the lab staff.

W: yraaaa... leeee strr
(Yum... lab staff...)

KT: What about those results?

W: rugurt grammen fof fofft noginess cuuuverttta joog joog
(Hey, I can't control what the people I eat take, it is not like they wear labels... unless it is a jersey with Bonds on the back... heh heh)

KT: The test levels were far too high for second hand consumption, the reflect that YOU consumed the drugs

W: dovaaas cusssooun ratiii aaaagg uuun
(Well, my trainer DID give me something, but he said it was flaxseed oil.  It tasted a little funny, so I ate his elbow.)

KT:  Flaxseed oil?  Really?  Your hat size would have increase 3 sizes if you still had all your head left!

W: eeeerg
(This interview is OVER)

KT: Fine.  Ah, Mr. Dixon?  Would you be so kind as to help our guest leave?

Mr. Dixon: (cocking crossbow) Damn happy to.

Review: Welcome 2 My Nightmare by Alice Cooper

Well, after the long wait for its release, and after many listens... here is my review of Alice Cooper's "Welcome 2 My Nightmare" (W2MN).   Alway dangerous to do a sequel to one of your best works, but this is a great album in its own quirky way.

"I Am Made of You"  (Alice Cooper, Bob Ezrin, Desmond Child)

Doesn't quite live up to Alice's list of killer first songs in past albums ("Hello, Hooray", "Sideshow", "Schools Out", "Brutal Planet", etc.), but a pretty strong start none the less.  Still trying to wrap my head around Alice using autotune.  We get to hear the piano part from "Steven" in the intro.... pretty sweet.

"Caffeine" (Cooper, Ezrin, Tommy Henriksen, Keith Nelson)

As a coffee addict, this speaks to me.  Great chorus and a rocking number.

Because I realize / If I close my eyes / I'm gonna wake up dead.

"The Nightmare Returns" (Cooper, Ezrin)

Ahhh, here's the Alice sing-song voice we need in a nightmare album.  "Years Ago" is still the best of these, but enjoyed this one as well.

"A Runaway Train" (Cooper, Ezrin, Dennis Dunaway)

First song on W2MN co-written with an original Alice Cooper band member - Dennis Dunaway.  There are three of these on the album - and all the surviving original band members play on these tracks.  Straight ahead rock with plenty of musical elements echoing a train running out of control.

"Last Man on Earth" (Cooper, Ezrin, Piggy D, David Spreng)

Alice as Tom Waits??

Just like "Some Folks" on Welcome to My Nightmare, Alice works in a vaudeville-esque ditty.  Heavily features a tuba.  Yes, a tuba.

"The Congregation" (Cooper, Ezrin, Henriksen)

Alice as the Beatles?

If Alice had been a member of the Beatles, pretty sure this is what is would have sounded like.  Also, Rob Zombie appears on this track.  Any song that indicates hell is mostly populated with Wall Street types, defrocked priests, telemarketers, lawyers, pimps, and mimes is OK by me.

"I'll Bite Your Face Off" (Cooper, Ezrin, Henriksen, Neal Smith)

Alice as the Rolling Stones?

Alice has proven he can execute the Stones sound dead to rights with "Sunset Babies (All Have Rabies)" off the Dirty Diamonds album.  Eagerly awaiting the opportunity to sing "I'll bite your face off!!" along with Alice  next live show I see.  Quite catchy.  Neal Smith from the original group co-wrote.

She put the whip in the cream

"Disco Bloodbath Boogie Fever" (Cooper, Ezrin, Henriksen)

Alice as a techno/rap guy singing about disco??

Pretty much a comedy/rock song.  It is funny.  The background singers do sound quite a bit the the Winkies for Wizard of Oz.  Not sure how I feel about that.  Still, the title (and chorus) of this song make it a keeper.

"Ghouls Gone Wild" (Cooper, Ezrin, Henriksen)

Alice as Dick Dale?

Not sure it was wise to put the two most heavily comedy/rock songs back to back.  Fun song, VERY reminiscent of "Summertime Blue" in parts.  Mark Volman (of the Turtles) turns in some awesome backgroud vocals.

"Something to Remember Me By" (Cooper, Dick Wagner)

I usually like Alice's ballads, but this one is kind of just "meh" for me.

"When Hell Comes Home" (Cooper, Ezrin, Michael Bruce)

OK, no comedy here.  Alcoholic father.  Abused mother.  Dead alcoholic father.  Michael Bruce from the original group co-wrote. A dark, bluesy rock number.  Listen close at the end, when the abusive father gets his comeuppance, he faintly yells out "Steven!".  You KNEW we would hear from the main character from the original Nightmare.

"What Baby Wants" (Cooper, Ezrin, Henriksen, Ke$ha)

I figured I'd hate this song since it is a duet of sorts with Ke$ha.  I didn't hate it, but don't love it either.  At least Alice didn't go with Justin Bieber as the devil.  I can buy Ke$ha as the princess of darkness.

"I Gotta Get Outta Here" (Cooper, Ezrin, Patterson Hood)

Alice as Dwight Yokam?

Tinges of country creep into the closing number.  Alice recaps the stories from the previous songs, then a choir of voices responds with an operatic "What part of dead don't you get?" Alice starts to protest to no avail.

"The Underture" (Cooper, Ezrin, Henriksen, Child, Wagner, Jeremy Rubolino, Kelly Jay Fordham)

Instrumental track featuring songs from both Nightmares.  Love it.

Bonus Track:

"Under the Bed"

There are several packages of this album with different extras.  Mine had this song.  It is a perfect Nightmare song, not sure why it didn't make the actual album.

My cat went under the bed and disappeared
All we found was a tail and a paw, and an ear

Who Stole my Death Star?

After multiple viewings of various episodes during my beloved SpikeTV Labor Day Star Wars Marathon (in honor of the Death Star construction workers, AT AT line workers, and the Oompa Loopma warthogs manning the furnace conveyor on Bespin I guess), I have determined Palpatine is an outstanding business role model.

Think about it...

1. He rapidly rose from a lowly senator representing the most annoying planet in the Republic to Emperor
2. He secured a spiffy cadre of guards AND color coded them 
3. EVERYONE took his calls 
4. Plus the whole lightening from the fingers thing. Frick'n awesome. 

Now, I am not pointing this out just because many (rightly) have determined Palpatine and I likely have exact matching results on Pace Color Palette testing.

Honest.
 

Sometime during my third viewing of Return of the Jedi, I determined I could have rocketed up the old corporate turbo-lift had I limited my comments to the following gems he offered in the movie:

• Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL (PowerPoint, white paper, business model, etc.) 
• I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear 
• Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen 
• You will find that it is you who are mistaken, about a great many things 
• Only now, at the end, do you understand... 
• Now, you will pay the price for your lack of vision! 

It's never too late. I'll put these into action from here on out. 

Not sure if I'll sport the robe as well, but it is tempting.

Rabid Wombat - Analogy 1

I think it is safe to stipulate that the rabid wombat has been underutilized as structural device in analogies.  I plan to work to correct that.  So...

THE BUSINESS CHALLENGE

You can explain the risks of certain situations, but full understanding of those risks is often not achieved until they are experienced directly.

THE ANALOGY

There is a room.  In the room is a rabid wombat and a baby.  You are preparing someone to go in with the following guidance:

Objective: We get the baby out of there.  I mean geez, there is a rabid wombat in the room with that baby.  That is bad.

For purposes of this analogy, let's call our baby retriever "Gus".

Background/Risks/Considerations provided to Gus (probably via PowerPoint)

• Rabid wombats are mean
• Rabid wombats snarl and menace
• Babies are squirmy
• Do not expect the baby to significantly assist in logistics 
• The wombat probably won't want the baby to leave at will indicate this to you  

What happens

Gus indicates he understand the situation/risks and outlines his plan... a plan best summarized as "I move fast, ignore the wombat, grab the baby, and get out of there".

The first execution of this plan actually runs along the lines of "Gus enters the room, the wombat menaces, Gus rapidly exits"

You debrief on the first attempt.  

Gus shares "That wombat looked REALLY mean and menacing.  The baby gave ZERO indication he would effectively partner with me on this project.  Gus does acknowledge none of this should have been a surprise to him since it had been shared in advance, but his experience has deepened his understanding of the terms "mean", "menace", and "squirmy" and their relation to the risk profile of the whole baby/wombat thing.

Armed with a true understanding of the situation, Gus returns to the room and is able to now execute the plan.

THE LESSON

Risks often sound more manageable when explained verses actually experienced.  Hopefully the lessons learned via this analogy can:

• Reduce the number of times people rush to say "I understand and accept the risks"
• Prompt activity to gain actual experience in managed ways to round out the true risk understanding
• Reduce modifications to risk mitigation plans once things "go live"

Facebook, Twitter, Google+ breakdown

Just felt like sharing some trends I have noticed in using Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ simultaneously 

                                                                FACEBOOK        TWITTER           GOOGLE+

How much I care if there are
more people following/friending me              Not at all                  Tons                  Not at all
than I follow/friend

Percent of posts related to Google+          
(which I mainly do now to annoy                 15%                         20%                      60%
Matt Cava)  

Percent of connections that pretty               85%                          30%                      15%
much hate me    

Where do I post the most                            3                               1                           2

Where do people respond to my                  2                               3                           1
posts the most?

Average percent evil I operate at                80%                           75%                      30%
(Note: 92% is my upper limit)

Where do I make new connections             3                                 2                           1

Places where my posts are                        1                                 1                            1
superior to Christy Berka's

What do I check first?                               3                                 1                            2

Connections                                             430                            1,257                     148

Will probably add to this later on.

Here is why the universe is a safer place since I stopped coding

DO UNTIL (you figure out where to post)

  IF (you live for Farmville) THEN
      USE [facebook]
  ELSE
      IF (interested-based relationships are your thing) THEN
          IF (you are long-winded) THEN
             USE [google+]
          ELSE
             USE [twitter]
          END IF
     ELSE
         IF (personal-based relationships are your thing) THEN
             IF (you actually have personal relationships in good standing) THEN
                  USE [facebook]
             ELSE
                  USE [craigslist]
             END IF
         ELSE
              USE [angry birds]
         END IF
    END IF

END UNTIL

Google+

So, I have been playing with Google+ (gplus.to/kellythul) and here are some early observations:

• Location check-in is super crazy easy
   
• Appears to be plan to fold in Blogger to some degree.  If that is deep integration, it is going to confuse me.  I have viewed this blog and my Twitter and Facebook activity as connected, but different
   
• Circles look to be an effective way to organize feeds to work, home, industry, etc. -- IF you approach them thoughtfully and have some level of organizational skill.  So, I'm doomed pretty much
   
• The "sparks" feature is an awesome way to catch posts on your interests (and yes, the first one I set up was for Alice Cooper).  Sparks will be wasting much of my remaining existence
  
• As you would expect, works quite well on my Droid.  Not sure how the mobile integration will happen for iPhone users - but it clearly has to somehow/sometime.  Not that I associate with iPhone users of course
    
• Today was the first day where for a fleeting moment I wondered if my Facebook page will end up like my I-think-I-have-one-but-not-completely-sure MySpace page.  It was fleeting, but it crossed my mind
   
• Still seeing big differences in my use of Google+ and Twitter.  Google+ does not appear to be a particularly nurturing environment for hashtag games... and I GOTS to have my hashtag games

More to come... someday.

Bog Panda vs. Sewer Shark

For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you know that I love live tweeting SyFy original movies with the gang on Saturday nights.  Oh, and sorry for the whole flooding your time line thing.

Live tweeting the broadcast has resulted in basically a crowd sourced "Mystery Science Theater 3000" show.  Even better, the cast of these cinematic gems are starting to show up and join in the fun on Twitter.

It is kind of cool to get Robert Davi tweeting you about your "Swamp Shark" GetGlue check-in -- or to have the actor playing "Almighty Thor" correct you and explain he is not the "sissy" son, he is the "inexperienced" son of Odin (an Odin played by Kevin Nash in all his Outsiders glory).

I'd like to take the crowd sourcing to the next level and work together to develop the ultimate B-movie screenplay.  Everything is in play... casting, tag lines, story arc, etc.. 

I have just started to play with this concept a little bit and have set up the BOG PANDA VS. SEWER SHARK wiki to house our masterpiece.  Matt Johnson came up with the Sewer Shark concept, but Bog Panda is all mine :)

If you want in, email me at kelly.thul@gmail.com and I'll set you up with edit access to this wiki. To grant access, I'll need to use either your email address or wikispaces ID.

I'll likely be fiddling with this as a solo effort if there are no takers, but would love some partners in crime. 

The Unbearable Niceness of Being

The evening of June 8, I tweeted/wall posted the following:

 

@kellythul I plan to be pleasant and supportive in person and in social media tomorrow. Just to confuse people. 

This resulted in some interesting observations during the longest June 9th of my life (that STILL isn't over as I write this).  These observations included:

 

1. I like to pick on people - I really do.  I started to twitch when a nemesis posted the morning downpour made her look like a "wet dog", and all I could say was "Sorry to hear!".  I had several more interesting thoughts I could have offered related to the "wet dog" that was served to me on a silver doggie bowl.
    
2. People expect me to be unpleasant - Greeting people with a simple "Hello" or "Nice to see you" left both of us standing there confused... waiting for the next comment to undo the initial pleasantries.  The number of "OK, now you are starting to creep me out" also grew as I remained true to only uttering pleasant/supportive comments throughout the day.
    
3. People like to pick on me - Easy target to be sure.  I am shoe lace challenged, unfettered by focus, and just a tad goofy.  But it is less fun to point that out if I just reply nicely.
    
4. The further away you are from me, the more you like me (keeping in mind everything is relative) - In aggregate, my Facebook connections are more local, while my Twitter gang is far more distributed.  Barely a ripple occurred in Twitter when I posted my ill-advised "niceness day" plan, but Facebook lit up with a VERY heavy skepticism that I could pull it off. 

So, all in all, it was an interesting experiment I have little desire to repeat again any time soon. 

 

So, I'll hang on until midnight tonight with the whole "nice" thing, but look forward to a June 10th dedicated to catching up with a few people.

 

#EOTS

I expect many of the readers of this blog are like me.  Kind.  Friendly.  Always willing to offer words of support.  Basically a walking human hug.

One would think that a person with these characteristics would attract Twitter followers and/or Facebook friends sharing a similar temperament. 

Sadly, I have been beset with Twitter/Facebook connections that attack my age, musical tastes, general intellect, sports team alignment, shoelace status... just to name a few of the topics they smack talk me on.   Always unprovoked.  Always undeserved.

While the only road I have a map for is the high road, I was finally left with no choice but to establish "Enemy of the State" lists in both Facebook and Twitter.  Since the Twitter one is more accessible, here it is:

http://twitter.com/#!/kellythul/enemies-of-the-state

The basic workflow is as follows:

1. You wrong me (consistently unjustified)
2. I add you to the appropriate "Enemy of the State" list
3. I virtually point at you and in a loud and commanding voice declare you an ENEMY OF THE STATE! (and hashtag you with #EOTS in my Twitter declaration of your enemyness)
4. I feel better

Just hoping there are high limits for how many people I can add to these lists

Facts are facts

If you were not aware, one of the greatest injustices of all time was addressed with Alice Cooper's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year.

What resulted in them finally comprehending their oversight? Well, this is the FIRST induction after the distribution of this video:

While I don't want to claim credit for Alice getting in, I really have little choice.

Snow is just God's way of trying to kill you

Well, here I sit in Bloomington Illinois, waiting for 12, 24, or 30 inches of snow over the next few days.

Bloomington is noted for it's large strip mall and chain restaurant population, Beer Nuts, Lincoln stretched his legs here once... and a surprising large and active Twitter community.

Often, the somewhat unfortunate hashtag #blono is used for our area. We (blo) are part of a twin city thing with city of Normal (no). Yup, we are not Normal, just near it.

So, given the potential dire problems that could emerge with the storm, the #blono Twitter community has sprung it action.

We are trying to pick the right hashtag for the storm.

Options include..

#bilizzkrieg
#BloSno
#BlonoBlizathon
#blonosnowpocalypse
#snowkrieg
#Snowmageddon11
#snowpocalypse
#snoprah
#SnotoriousBIG

#snoprah is mine and is best followed by bellowing "IT'S HUGE", but I have to cast my vote for #SnotoriousBIG by @christyberka. This pains me, because I hate @christyberka. But it is a heck of a name.

Just wanted to provide an update and close by quoting a heartfelt tweet from yours truly...

@Kellythul: I am afraid this storm is so bad we have simply no choice and must burn Justin Bieber as fuel.

Free Lauren!

Here is a video shared by a friend* capturing his highly intellectual** daughter's reaction to the Bears loss the the Evil Cheese Empire in the NFC title game.

* well, as close to a friend as I can be to a Packers fan
** props to mom's side of the family




This has gone somewhat viral since it features a sweet young lady and her heartless cheese curd on legs father.

"Go Pack Go"?? Really??? In this frail state???

Consistent with the long standing deep community commitment demonstrated by thulbox studios, they have proudly released a commemorative "Free Lauren" t-shirt.

Available for order immediately via:

http://www.cafepress.com/thulboxstudios

FREE LAUREN!

In defense of Jay Cutler

I have been a Bear fan for a looong time. "Quarterback poor" would be a generous assessment of Chicago Bear fandom in the post-Luckman years/decades. The bright spots for me...

• Bobby Douglas - ran for 1,000 yards, passed for significantly less, and actually spent some time in the White Sox farm system
  
  
• Bouncing Bob Avellini - A lumbering mass of a QB, drop back challenged, and half of the Avellini-Latta combo that terrorized defensive secondaries (about 3 times)
  
  
• Jim McMahon - played hard / partied hard, smartass, and a wannabe offensive lineman. Jim actually made the Pro Bowl. A Bear's QB in the PRO BOWL! My head almost exploded. Best I can tell, he showed up drunk to that game
  

And then came Jay Cutler. The savior from Denver. The man that would wash the visions of Henry Burris away FOREVER.

Wellll... that has not quite happened yet. Turns out Jay is not "Mr. Instant Offense" or "Mr. Personality" either.

It is not Jay's fault that his default facial expression is best described as "laconic mopery". It is his fault that he won't even cast a glance at fans trying to high five him from the end zone seats after he runs it in for a TD at home.

And then came the NFC championship game.

He didn't spark the offense. He painted the sidelines with his grimstorm of body english. Then he left EARLY for the locker room after another hope crushing INT. THEN according to Twitter, he quit.

In fact, one wiseguy fan trotted out this little tweet-o-venom...

Rodney Dangerfield's "oh my arm, oh my arm" in Caddyshack was more believable than Cutler's knee injury #bears

Yes, that was me, @kellythul on Twitter (follow me for more treasures like the item above)

We all had a story line and refined it real time via Twitter. Twitter, our friend, our enemy. Twitter, where speed and rush to judgment can too easily trump gathering actual facts.

Best I can tell, leveraging these pesky "fact" things, it appears Jay actually WAS injured in the 1st half. Stayed in the game and tried. In pain. Came out the second half and tried. In pain.

I didn't tweet about that. Didn't lend itself to 140 characters of snarky.

So, I apologize to Jay (knowing full well he would be indifferent). I hold out hope that he will emerge as a leader and the kind of QB you are so glad you have when your team is down 7 with 1:40 to go in the game. A QB that gives you hope.

All that being said, props to Caleb Hanie for making a painful game interesting for a bit. But seriously... if your name is "Caleb Hanie", how is sporting a trailer park mustache a good idea?

Guess it is better than Kyle Orton's neck beard.