Ohno Scale

The usual suspects ("Snarkalecs") were in play for this Saturday's live tweeting of one of SyFy's B-movies... Tasmanian Devils.  It was a good night.  People were on their game and we had the bonus of the director (@zachlipovsky) and the heroine (@danicamckellar aka Winnie Cooper) engaging with us as we do what we do.

Anyway, Tasmanian Devils featured Apolo Ohno.  Briefly.

Within the first 5 minutes or so, Apolo jumped off a cliff, fell quite a distance, and was impaled by a stalagmite.  Shortly thereafter he was removed.  Not pulled up and off, but rather removed more... ummm... laterally.  The fact that his character was named "Stone" was a nice touch.

As you might imagine, this was quite the death scene.  It was so good that @LisaMarieBowman indicated it would be the bar to judge all future exits - coining the term "Ohnotastic".  @SnarkySeal then suggested a greater formalization of the Ohno metric.  Sadly, @SnarkySeal's "mathy parts" were impaired due to some sort of chocolate wine overload, so I decided to take a shot.

So I am offering the following proposed method.  Fellow Snarkalecs, please review and offer improvements, redirection, whatever in the comment section for this post.

Ohnotasic Scoring

• Since Apolo's death was a perfect 10, it serves as the highest possible score and is base lined at 10 Ohnos
• A death that approaches its greatness might score something like 9.3 Ohnos
• You can't score higher than 10 Ohnos
• Negative Ohnos are allowed  

An optional additional metric is available for celebrity departures in these movies.  Yes, I know Apolo is kind of a celebrity, just deal with it.  The celebrity scale is based on Fatones (in honor of Joey's exit from Jersey Shore Shark Attack)

Fatone Celebrity Scoring

• Fatones also use 10 as the highest possible score... 10 Fatones
• 10 Fatones are slightly less than 10 Ohnos.  Apolo really went more to 11 figuratively, literally, you have to stick with 10 though
• A death can be scored using both if you are an overachiever
• D list celebrities and below are allowed to be scored with Fatones

Editors note:  I REALLY wanted to use "Coopers" (based on Alice Cooper getting drop kicked by Bigfoot) as the celebrity metric, but @TonySolo (rightfully) indicated the Fatone exit was more popular.  This speaks poorly of us as a society, but I am not bitter.

Actually, I am bitter.

I mean I could have used a distance component related to how far Alice flew. like: "WOW, that was easily 120 Cooper-feet"), but nooooo.  Everyone loves Fatone.  Whatever.

Comment away gang.

P.S. I pondered offering up a Danica metric, but I self-editted.

Oh, and be sure to visit the Snarkalec website to learn more than you probably want about the Saturday evening live tweeting crew.