Even good spam is bad

Wanted to share some recent spam I got via e-mail. I was actually impressed by their manipulative effort and felt it merited some play by play. My inner monologue in in bold italics below.... (fancy, I know)

EMAIL OPENED......

Hello!

Seems a happy sort. Cheerful.

I just want to thank you for your wonderful blog commecon.blogspot.com.

Gee, I already feel warm and fuzzy. Someone LIKES it!!
 
I read the post "Top Ten Twitter Bios"

My most recent post at the time. Maybe this is real...

and then I spent another hour on your blog by reading your posts with pleasure :)

Big smile. Wait a sec. Even I wouldn't send an hour reading it. Maybe this is is a spammer.

Every article is interesting and easy to read.

Well, I DO fancy my writing is a like that, at least a bit. Would be nice if someone agreed. Hard not to really.

I really like the "Rock and Roll Faux of Fame (ver 1.1) #RnRFoF".

Hmmm. The EXACT title another recent post. An awkward title. Almost like it was captured via automation. Maybe my super-smart new friend is a spammer after all. That would be sad. He is saying such nice things. Maybe not. I can hope.

I work for Jooble company, we aggregate job adverts around the world.

Dammit.

My job is to persuade bloggers to link to our site.

Dammit. Dammit.

I really love my job! We have a friendly team and good management, but unfortunately I have no idea how to convince a blogger to link to us,

Wistful, faint flicker of hope he is real. So happy he like where he works. Poor fella, not sure what to do. If he is real, maybe old Kel can help him out... 'cuz I am like smart and stuff.

I'm afraid I might lose my job because of it :(

Oh the guilt. My new fan is at risk! Wait.. my new fan is a spammer. Trying to guilt me. Sigh.

And that is why, instead of sending letters to thousands of different blogs, I am reading yours.

But he DID pick me. Crap, I wish this was real.

Honestly, I am not really sure if the link to our website in United States - (spam site URL), will be appropriate for your blog, but if you believe it will and you can add it, I would be really grateful to you! Our site is really cool, it can greatly help hundreds of people to find jobs.

Now grumbling through the rest of the spam. Crestfallen and irritated.

I wish you to have a good day and excellent mood! Thanks again for your nice blog. Write more! Thanks!

Yeah, yeah.

P.S. I am a Aries by zodiac sign too :)

Oh, now you are just being a dick. Expecting me to buy his is real by grabbing my month of birth from my profile to "personalize". You think I am dumb or something? I caught on SENTENCES ago.

Oh, and "by zodiac sign"? REALLY?? You already mentioned how clear and interesting I write and expect THAT not to jump out at me? Oh wait, there was no real evaluation of my prose. Dammit.

Best regards,

xxxxxxxx
Account Manager

Sad panda. Off to play Zombie Lane.