New night (again!).   #Snarkalec Radio live stream starts around 7pm CST...  http://youtu.be/UylaDurL2j4 

Rating Bad

SPOILER ALERT - this post comments on events on the current season of Breaking Bad.  If you are not caught up to the current episodes and don't want to see any spoilers on these, best to move along.  Oh, and shame on you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I decided a little late that I would do some scoring for the last 8 episodes of Breaking Bad, so you'll get two episodes in this post.  Characters can get scores of -2, -1, 0, +1, or +2 each week.  Typically I won't comment on the "0"s.  But sometimes I will.  Exciting, isn't it??

Scoring is scientifically based on how awesome or unawesome I found the character in the episode.  Since I am a HUGE Saul Goodman fan, he probably has a bit of an edge here.  But he should, because he is awesome.  Monkey in the banana patch awesome.

Season 5, episode 9 - Blood Money

Walt (0)  It was like your heart wasn't into effectively lying to Jesse on the couch about not killing Mike.  Plus you reminded me you killed Mike.  And you called Jesse "son".  Ew.  Your "tread lightly" was a late save from a "-1".

Jesse (0)  Props for having a soul.  Score lowered due to improper appreciation of Badger's Star Trek episode.

Skyler (-1)  When someone is pitching an air fresher placement strategy, you need to play more attention.

Hank (+1)  Not many people can pull off an interesting "sorting through files" montage.

Marie (-2)  Perhaps you could notice your husband is in full melt down mode instead of musing about vacation plans next time.

Lydia (-1)  For not taking Mike's sunglasses advice and not delivering a spinning back kick to Skyler in the car wash parking lot.  Plus washing a rental?  Really?

Saul (+1)  For calling Jesse Woody Harrelson

Francesca (+1)  Is is not easy managing the 7th ring of hell waiting room.

Badger (+2)  For the aforementioned Star Trek piece and how you told it.  Just gotta write it down dude!

Skinny Pete (+1)  For the Voyager clarification.

Season 5, episode 10 - Buried

Walt (+1)  Dude can dig and has a better memory than I.

Jesse (+1)  Not a single line, yet you conveyed so much.

Skyler  (+1)  "Am I under arrest?" was a solid follow up to "SHUT UP!".  Plus you stuck Hank with the bill.

Hank (-1)  Real smooth with the tape recorder Hank.  Not.

Marie (+1)  SLAP!  But stop trying to steal things... like.. oh... a BABY.

Saul (+2)  Ah Saul, "trip to Belize", "It is an option that has worked very well for you in the recent past.", "this is a safe room", "Monkey is in the banana patch"... could you be more awesome?

Hulle (+2)  Was on fire this episode.. money laying, Mexico-pitching, overtime seeking FIRE.  Ain't no thing!

Kuby (+2)  Two words.  Scrooge.  McDuck.  Great week for Saul and his A-Team!

Lydia (+1)  While I can not understand, I respect your shoe commitment.

Todd (+1)  For being the politest psychopath EVER.  Your world's evilest boy scout helping the lady across the  massacre aftermath was nice too.  How is the tarantula doing?

Uncle Jack (+2)  For the "Really?" while watching a closed-eyed Lydia tiptoe through the bloodshed, plus the "Fire in the hole!", plus you scare me.


Totals/Leader Board

1. Saul (+3)
2. Uncle Jack (+2)
3. Badger (+2)
4. Huelle (+2)
5. Kuby (+2)
6. Walt (1)
7. Jessie (1)
8. Todd (1)
9. Skinny Pete (1)
10. Francesca (1)
11. Skyler (0)
12. Hank (0)
13. Lydia (0)
14. Marie (-1) 

If you vehemently disagree with any of the above, add a comment and I will consider your feedback and perhaps adjust.   Just be more convincing than Walt on the whole "Mike thing".

Thank you and have an A-1 day!

So, want an autograph from Ving Rhames and Gerald Webb?

Of COURSE you do, and it couldn't be easier.

You may recall my post about this Internet radio thing @tonysolo, @karmic9, and I are trying out.  We are 12 episodes into it - and so far so good.  In fact, recently - so far so definitely good.

In episode 11 we were joined by Allison Victoria.  Allison was "Girl in boat" in Swamp Shark.  We thought she should have been "Girl on dock", but she straightened us out on the show.  Listen and learn.  Allison rocks.

In episode 12, Gerald Webb joined us.  Gerald has been in a multitude of movies (where he usually dies).  His appearance in Zombie Apocalypse was notable for two reasons:

1. He croaked crazy fast (like within the first 10 minutes) and..
    
2. He died wearing a HIDEOUS shirt.  Actually, the term I used that night was "ugly ass shirt", but details.. details...

So, clearly Gerald knows his ugly shirts.  In addition to being awesome and joining us on the show, he went to awesome level 2 by offering up the script cover page of Zombie Apocalypse (called The Last Stand at the time) with autographs from the main cast including Vhing Rhames and Gerald!!

This will be rewarded to the ugliest shirt pic we get.  Gerald will be the judge.

DEADLINE EXTENDED... 

You now have until WEDNESDAY JUNE 5 to send your pic!!

So....

1. Find your ugliest shirt
2. Snap a pic of you wearing it
3. Tweet it to @tonysolo with the hashtag #uglyassshirt or email it to SnarkAlecGuest@gmail.com
4. Or, sent it to me in to social network of your choice and I'll get it where it needs to go (lazy bones!)

More info here, now GET TO IT!!!

https://sites.google.com/site/snarkalecs/information/snarkalecradio

Oh.. almost forgot.  @YeungJeans of Bring Out Your Geek, and someone who blogs about 50 times better than me, recently pointed out to me that a blog post kinda sucks if it doesn't include at least one pic... so to close, here is a cat in a sombrero....

Radio waves

Hopeful radio waves
Dopeful radio waves

Roger Waters - Radio Waves

We are about 8 shows into our "SnarkAlecs" Internet radio show on Live 365's Loud N Loaded Station.  Fun fact: I am incapable saying those last 6 words in order and correctly on ANY of our past shows.

So far so good.  I'm very appreciative that @officialpagan * extended this opportunity to us and actually joined us for our second show.  During his visit, we all bonded over our contempt of The Walking Dead's Andrea.  

@yeungjeans * has done two shows with us, including a painful reliving of Troll 2.  She took FOUR pages of notes to prepare for that episode.  I was equally impressed and dismayed.  She is simply an amazing person to talk to, and keep an eye out for her upcoming videocast Bring Out Your Geek

@Holidill joined us for the big The Walking Dead recap and even shared an interpretive dance recounting of the final episode.  Interpretive dance is ALWAYS good radio (awesome Milton BTW @Holidill).

@dawnsnarks * did the next show with us, and outside of the crazy talk the chocolate wine is actually fit for human consumption, she came up aces.

@muderalotta's appearance was the perfect trifecta of Comic Con insight, collectibles, and professional wrestling tidbits.

Which brings us to my co-conspirators Mel (@kmaric9 *) and Tony (@tonysolo *).  When Tony asked if I would be interested in doing this show, I did my usual .005 seconds of introspection and replied....

Sure.

I so glad I did - it has been a blast.  The blend of Tony's passion and eye for the details, Mel's serious movie/book/thinkgeek cred along with her remarkable fusion of candor and kindness, and my general strangeness work well together I think.  The fact we all actually are interested in what the other people have to say helps too.

I also have to thank the group of like minded folks out there that catch us live streaming off Tony's YouTube channel each Thursday around 8pm EST (and then, of course, re-listen repeatedly on Live 365).  Special props to @TScottBrave for engineering some sort of combination of a golf cart, mobile phone, and neighbor's wifi to catch one show.  Keep live tweeting at us with the #snarkalecs hashtag. Tony and Mel have lifted the "No Twitter for Kelly during the show" ban (focus issues, legit) and we will all keep trying to do a better job in staying on top of them live.

One of the happiest accidents in working with Tony and Mel is the following video.  Mel said the "Yay Google, yay zombies" as only she can, Tony came up with the idea to mash up a bunch of folks repeating it and rounded up a bunch of volunteers, and I cobbled it together.  As an extra bonus, we even cajoled Allison Victoria/@allisonvic ("Girl in Boat" in Swamp Shark) and Christina Bach/@ladystage (Dana in 2 Headed Shark Attack) to join in the fun.

Enjoy

footnote

* = while my words may have stumbled into what might be incorrectly interpreted as positive territory for these individuals, let me remind my readers that they are all ENEMIES OF THE STATE, ULTRA-ENEMIES OF THE STATE, or both.  Just to be clear here.

Top of my "to do" list

I plan to add this on the front page of every paper notebook I use, my iPad and phone splash screens, on a card in my wallet, on the back of my watch, taped to the back of the all remote controls at home, as a fob on my key chain, etc...

Hi!  I belong to Kelly Thul.   

He is an idiot. 

I, like many of his belonging, are not physically attached to him.  This puts us at risk.  This also allowed me to me you.  Hi again!  Kelly has set me down and walked away.  It will be some time before he realizes I am gone.  Then he will try and retrace his steps.  This is sad to watch. 

He can't help himself, so it is up to us to help him.  Would you please return me to Kelly?  I am sure we will meet again.

So anyway...

Doing a little travel today.  Allow me to recap:

• Flight 1 was supposed to leave at 10:45
• Immediate delay to 12:00.... connection will be tight
• Additional delay until 1:00... Well, now I am screwed
• We board.  We fly.  We land.  
• Connecting flight was delayed. Yay!  
• New departure time is in 2 minutes in Gate Gazillion Miles Away A. Dammit.
• Arrive panting at the gate.  Attendant, let's call him "Mr. I Misjudged You Initially", says "we're closed".  I explain I just ran to this gate and missed the flight.  He books me on the next flight and explains it leaves in 15 minutes at Gate Half a Gazillion Miles Back, Remember You Passed It".  Sigh
• Rush to new gate to to be treated to a new delay announcement.
• Board.  Push off. Eventually.
• We stop. The pilot, let's call him "Capt. Sack of Lying Crap That I Will Grow to Hate" says "Weather is picking up and we are 15-20 back in line to depart.  No clue when that will be.  Go ahead and use your electronics".  The "Because we ain't going anywhere." was implied
• 20 minutes pass. Then Capt. Crap offers "Will be in the air in 3-5 minutes. PREPARE DAS CABIN".  You have given me hope Capt. 
• 30 minutes (yes 30) later, he shares "Um, the tower is requiring a four minute gap between all departing flights. We a 4th in line.  That means we will leave in (long pause for mental math) in like 16 minutes".  Riiiiight
• 40 minutes later, we take off.
• 2 seconds after we we can use electronics, I pay for inflight wifi to post this.
• I feel better.

Hypothetically...

Imagine someone accidentally sent an e-mail to a VERY large distribution list. Then the first person responds back, replying to all, that they got this in error and would like to be removed from the list.

Just guessing here, but I expect you might see upwards of 38 more emails saying things like...


Please don’t reply all with your responses

Please don’t reply to ALL

DO NOT REPLY TO ALL.  There is 5000 people on this list.  Delete it and move forward…

Please stop replying to all.  I think we all got this in error

PLEASE DON’T REPLY ALL, THIS DISTRIBUTION LIST IS HUGE

 

This was obviously sent in error.  Are you people so lame that you can’t figure it out?  There are 5000 people on this list.  Geez…

 

Stop Replying to ALL!

 

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO ALLLLLLLL

 

If you got this email in error please do not reply to it we have found the issue. (We do not need 5000 replies.)

And wouldn't it be ironic if EVERYONE of the emailers above... yes, you guessed it, replied to all.

 

Looks like these guys were right... http://www.fiercecio.com/node/3760 

This is why radio stations are the first military target

As my Twitter followers are painfully aware, most Saturday nights I live tweet the 8:00 PM CST movie on Syfy.  This has provided two significant benefits:

1. I have ended up meeting a lot of kindred spirits, most of which are much funnier than I am.

2. I scored the ACTUAL PROP USED AS THE PIRANHACONDA EGG!!!

Last week, a couple of us began a new adventure where we talk about: the previous Syfy movie, The Walking Dead, zombie preferences, and whatever else crosses our minds on Live365 on the Loud N Loaded station.  Loud N Loaded mostly plays hard rock and heavy metal, and our show "The Snarkalecs" pops into the rotation as a sort of headbanger sorbet.  (There is a Snarkalec website if you care to learn more about what that is all about).

So, each Thursday the Parade of Regional Accents... Tony/@TonySolo (East Coast), Melissa/@karmic9  (Texan), and I (Midwest mumbler) are chatting about "stuff".  In a cruel twist of fate, my face made for radio, as well as the more video friendly visages of Tony and Mel actually broadcast live on YouTube.  That feed is then cleaned up and placed on Loud N Loaded.

So, if you want to catch us live, head to YouTube any Thursday at (usually) 7:00 PM CST.  If you do, please tweet us. I would be cool to interact that way as well.  Mel and Tony are funny and smart, and I won a Piranhaconda egg.

Even better, check out the Loud N Loaded station on Live 365 and like it, plus it and/or tweet it.  We are looking to add the show to iTunes as a podcast sometime in the future as well.

Did I mention I scored the ACTUAL PROP USED AS THE PIRANHACONDA EGG!!!

#Hashtags #BonusCut

So, Facebook decided to add hashtags immediately dating part of my post from YESTERDAY.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-1023_3-57574417-93/facebook-to-finally-add-hashtags-says-wsj/

#bastards.

Thanks to @tchapman80 for altering me #notabastard

#Hashtags

I remain convinced Twitter is the best social networking platform.  The main reasons why are:

1. It an interest-based, verses relationship-based, framework
2. It is the most timely and least cluttered channel
3. Hashtags

As far as I am concerned, next to fire and the wheel, hashtags are the greatest human discovery.  Talk about flexibility... 

Grouping: I hate the Packers #Bears

Exclamation: I hate the Packers #GoBears

Asides: I hate the Packers #justsayin

Summary: I hate the Packers #GoBears #ToothlessFans #MatthewsIsRoidedUp

Statement: #FrickenPackers

Hashtags belong to the people. They can't be owned. You decide how to use them. You can't use them "wrong".  Ok, actually you can.  Here are my rules:

1. Unless it is part of a hashtag game, put them at the end
2. Use no more than three 
3. #Longhashtagsareokbutonlyifthereareworthit
4. As illustrated in this post, your call on the use of capital letters
5. OK to use in Twitter, G+, Tumbler, and Instagram
6. Not OK to use in Facebook or e-mails (I am exempt from this rule)

Finally, I would like to claim credit for two very useful hashtags:

#improvedbyaddingzombies

#depressingpoemstarts (most often utilized with a retweet)
  

And while this concept well predates hashtags, I think we all can agree the world is a better place if the was more widespread use of...

#greatbandname

Ohno Scale

The usual suspects ("Snarkalecs") were in play for this Saturday's live tweeting of one of SyFy's B-movies... Tasmanian Devils.  It was a good night.  People were on their game and we had the bonus of the director (@zachlipovsky) and the heroine (@danicamckellar aka Winnie Cooper) engaging with us as we do what we do.

Anyway, Tasmanian Devils featured Apolo Ohno.  Briefly.

Within the first 5 minutes or so, Apolo jumped off a cliff, fell quite a distance, and was impaled by a stalagmite.  Shortly thereafter he was removed.  Not pulled up and off, but rather removed more... ummm... laterally.  The fact that his character was named "Stone" was a nice touch.

As you might imagine, this was quite the death scene.  It was so good that @LisaMarieBowman indicated it would be the bar to judge all future exits - coining the term "Ohnotastic".  @SnarkySeal then suggested a greater formalization of the Ohno metric.  Sadly, @SnarkySeal's "mathy parts" were impaired due to some sort of chocolate wine overload, so I decided to take a shot.

So I am offering the following proposed method.  Fellow Snarkalecs, please review and offer improvements, redirection, whatever in the comment section for this post.

Ohnotasic Scoring

• Since Apolo's death was a perfect 10, it serves as the highest possible score and is base lined at 10 Ohnos
• A death that approaches its greatness might score something like 9.3 Ohnos
• You can't score higher than 10 Ohnos
• Negative Ohnos are allowed  

An optional additional metric is available for celebrity departures in these movies.  Yes, I know Apolo is kind of a celebrity, just deal with it.  The celebrity scale is based on Fatones (in honor of Joey's exit from Jersey Shore Shark Attack)

Fatone Celebrity Scoring

• Fatones also use 10 as the highest possible score... 10 Fatones
• 10 Fatones are slightly less than 10 Ohnos.  Apolo really went more to 11 figuratively, literally, you have to stick with 10 though
• A death can be scored using both if you are an overachiever
• D list celebrities and below are allowed to be scored with Fatones

Editors note:  I REALLY wanted to use "Coopers" (based on Alice Cooper getting drop kicked by Bigfoot) as the celebrity metric, but @TonySolo (rightfully) indicated the Fatone exit was more popular.  This speaks poorly of us as a society, but I am not bitter.

Actually, I am bitter.

I mean I could have used a distance component related to how far Alice flew. like: "WOW, that was easily 120 Cooper-feet"), but nooooo.  Everyone loves Fatone.  Whatever.

Comment away gang.

P.S. I pondered offering up a Danica metric, but I self-editted.

Oh, and be sure to visit the Snarkalec website to learn more than you probably want about the Saturday evening live tweeting crew.

Harbor Day - December 1

Yes, I am late providing details.  Consider it an early Harbor Day gift from me to you if you were running short on issues to dwell on.

In case you never bothered to read, or simply forgot, there is a new holiday for us to celebrate.  It is sanctioned by The New Yorker, so don't even start with the "this is not a real thing" crap.  I read it on the internet, it HAS to be true:

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/culture/2012/07/questioningly-winner-harbor-day.html


The Bloomington Illinois celebration of Harbor Day plans are as follows:

Location: Gill Street Sports Bar and Restaurant,  3002 Gill Street, Bloomington, IL (Yes, I picked a location close to my house, just for my convenience. Maybe if you helped we would have picked somewhere else)

Date/Time: Saturday, December 1, 2012, 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM CST (Time selected to optimize infringement on the edges of people's lunch and dinner times across multiple time zones)

Activities:

• In-person drinking to facilitate the sharing of harbored resentments
   
• Tweet-Up - It is Harbor Day all day, so be sure to share what you can throughout the day and use the hashtag #HarborDay.  Examples:
  
  Oh, @Sean_Schick didn't show, like THAT is a surprise. #HarborDay
  
  This is the BEST #HarborDay EVER (I will be QUITE disappointed if this is not tweeted often) 
• We will fire up a Google+ Hangout from  1:00 PM - 4:00 PM CST  for those too lazy to join us.  Thanks for putting in all the effort.  Don't have a Google+ account?  Maybe you could spend the 3 minutes to set one up.
   
• Selection of celebrity spokesperson, suggestions for Harbor Day traditions, related foods, etc...
   
• Selection of 2012 “Harbormaster”

This will be the BEST HARBOR DAY EVER.

Memes to avoid

The meme market is hopping, with "binders full of women" the most recent addition of note.

That got me thinking... what memes should we hope and pray never emerge.  I thought I would toss out a few, please feel free to comment and add your own.

MEMES-A-NO-NO

1. Naked Trump
2. Meals I didn't keep down
3. Confused looking slug
4. Packer fans at the library
5. Puppy trying to crawl out of a wood chipper
6. Sleepy Biden
7. Blake Zitko in yoga pants

NameStock

Thulipeda: NameStock

Background

NameStock is a week long music festival of bands named based on Twitter discourse.  Hashtag #greatbandname gets you in the running to be added to the program.

Rules

• No professional photographic or desalinization equipment allowed at this event.
• Each band is allowed 3 songs or 20 minutes of stage time - whichever is shorter
• Kenny G. and One Direction are banned for life

Program

Monday

9:00am Peppercorn Kitchen Explosion- Death Metal influenced Polka (@YeungJeans)

- Maim Polka
- Kannibal Kookout
- Mandy (cover)

12:00pm - Box lunch (with Box Lunch playing as entertainment)

Tuesday

9:00am Primitive Screwheads - A Capella (@kellythul)

- Urg
- Urg (Urg Urg)
- Gaaaaaa!

Wednesday

6:66pm Flesh Fork - Stripper Satanist Barbershop (‏@Holidill)

- Fork in the Toad
- Ferrets
- Styx and Stoned

Thursday

9:00am Bees are Scary Too - Children's music based on fear (@LisaMarieBowman)

- Under the Bed (extended cut)

Friday

10:00pm Joplin (@LisaMarieBowman)

10:30pm Finale - All Performers (except Flesh Fork, no one likes Flesh Fork)

- Under My Wheels
- Magic Bus
- Wheels on the Bus

Guessing Bad

First of all, props to @Jhay9 for steadily pointing out to me that: 1) Breaking Bad is the best show on TV, and 2) I should start watching it.  His recommendation and the "Hail to the King" promos for season 5 finally won me over.  I successfully completed a Netflix viewing jihad and cranked through seasons 1-4 in time to fully appreciate season 5 live as it has been airing.  And @jhay9 was quite right on both points.

I had thought about going the route I did with Walking Dead and rank (and re-rank) the characters, but given likelihood of sudden, permanent exits of nearly anyone in the cast, I thought I'd take a whack at who gets whacked and in what order.  Please feel free to add your ideas in the comments.

All total guesses.  All probably wrong, but here we go...  in order of departure...

BREAKING BYE BYE LIST

1. Gomez - Never good to be the SECOND most important cop character
    
2. Mike - Hope I am wrong, and he deserves to be around longer than Walt, but he should have stuck with his instincts to pass on partnership with Mr. White and Jesse
   
   BTW, I think both of these COULD go down prior to the season 5 break
     
3. Skyler - Seems like a nice kick-off when season 5 restarts and would thrill many viewers.  My significant dislike of her has tapered off as Walt's ego ballooned.  Might just do it herself
    
4. Badger - won't advance the plot, but will somehow be hilarious.  Think ATM hilarious
    
5. Hank - Walt has given him too many things to piece together for Hank NOT to know something is going on with him.  It is kind of Hank's thing to figure these things out... right Gus?  What he probably can't imagine is how far Walt has broken.. um... bad
    
6. Jesse - Could see his departure as the catalyst to send Walt east and grow his hair out.  Another guess I hope is COMPLETELY wrong

Final thoughts on Mr. White.  Is he..

1. A good man gone bad
2. Always really been bad

I vote neither.. I think he is 100% self-absorbed, 0% self-aware, with a dash of being incapable of conceiving the connection between his actions and what happens - someone else is always to blame.

BTW, "Zombie Walt" would be a pretty cool crossover AMC

  

Harbor Day

The New Yorker Culture Desk runs a weekly online Twitter contest each Friday. If you have never participated, I highly recommend it. Past challenges have included:

• Recap Star Wars in one tweet 
• Suggest inappropriate products to market based on a literary work 
• Propose a psychological, economic, or political effect - name it, bring it to life via Twitter

All you need to participate is 1) the ability to be a tad strange and 2) being capable of appending the hash tag #tnyquestion to your tweet.

Just the kind of low bar that speaks to me.

The most recent contest was to invent a new national holiday.  In a highly unexpected, nearly inconceivable stroke of luck, my offering was declared the winner.  My suggested holiday was:

Harbor Day - Dedicated to holding on to bad feelings about others and passive-aggressively hinting at them. See Thanksgiving.


Through an editorial fiat, which has my full support, The New Yorker has established December 1 as the official date for Harbor Day.  This was an excellent choice blending the forces of post-Thanksgiving family dinner trauma with the increasing intensity of the shopping water torture of Christmas gift list items bouncing off your forehead.

And, of course, consistent with my personal brand, I didn't think this through.  I did create Google+ (for the 6 of us active there) and Facebook invites for Harbor Day. Please share these invites with your friends.  I'd like 1 million people to accept these invites across platforms (hear me 999,994 Facebook people?!?!?).

But, we can't enjoy our first Harbor Day without the accompanying traditions and rituals. Which, well... are kind of TBD.

I thought I would jump start the thinking here.  My hope is this prompts others far more clever than I to offer improvements for me to steal incorporate in the Harbor Day canon.  We are off to a good start with Susana Martins, the embodiment of Harbor Day, accepting a co-chair role in planning and Lori Chase penning the perfect e-vite text for our holiday:

We can provide food and drinks, but if you feel like bringing something for once, we'd like it.

Note: Harbor Day was basically in a virtual tie with Lori's more intellectually nuanced "Take a Friend or Relative to Therapy Day (“Getting someone to see a shrink by any other name would smell just as sweet”).  


Some thought starters for Harbor Day rituals:

1. I am pretty sure this is a card-based holiday.  Nothing says "I am absolutely limiting my financial and intellectual investment in you" like a card does.  E-cards - even better
2. Traditional foods are likely lemon or tart grape based
3. Drinking would seem to be a must
4. Trying to figure out how to work "...and then I send $1 to Kelly" into this.  Stay tuned

Would love to hear other ideas... via blog comment, email, tweet, Facebook... whatever.

Not exactly sure we want to roll 100% this way, but the following concept from Tim Thomas was so good I had to share:

I remember celebrating Harbor Day as a child with the grandparents. We ate roast turkey and dressed in costumes begging neighbors for eggs. Then when the homeless guy came out from our crawlspace and saw his shadow the fireworks began. God bless us everyone!

Much more to come (sorry!) and while I still have never gotten over my recap of Star Wars ("Never underestimate the importance of exhaust port protection") being ignored in an earlier contest - I'll address that more December 1.

Dear Facebook...

I'd like to thank you for your tireless focus on my well-being.  I have no idea what I was thinking when I indicated my Gmail account was my preferred e-mail account.  We both know that account is in shambles - only rivaled by my work e-mail inbox.  Sometimes, "tough love" is the only answer and I only now fully appreciate the change you made.

I am simply not qualified to indicate what e-mail address I want people to use to contact me.  Something had to be done.  Thank you for stepping up.

Sure, some folks might view changes to content they provided as a tad intrusive, but most those are the crazies using other platforms like Twitter or Google+.  If they lack the judgement to use the one true platform, and only the one true platform, screw 'em.  They'll fall in line once you buy those.  If they miss the old platforms, you can always tell them to "take an Instagram - it will last longer."

I realize you have been nice enough to let me poach on your ad distribution network with my inane status updates and the occasional photo.  I appreciate it.

Not that you are interested, or would ever ask, but I do have some questions...

1. Are you OK with where I live?  I could use a heads up if I need to move
    
2. I am not the greatest looking guy... would welcome the opportunity for you to "trade up" my profile pic
    
3. Maybe you can change the ads so that, unless I say no, I buy whatever you feel is best targeted for me

Hugs and Kisses

Kel

Five ways to manage e-mail and fail

I will be the first to admit my management of my work and personal e-mail is not worthy of praise.  In my defense, it is not for lack of effort.  I am pretty sure whatever gene helps you do well at this skipped me... along with its buddy genes that:

• stop Achilles tendons from rupturing
• make you pleasant
• empower you to execute a strongly tied shoelace 
• enable you to recall names or faces of people

I'd thought I share a few techniques that have failed me in managing the e-mail beast...

By Date, Bottom Up (Attrition is Your Friend)

Start at the bottom of the list.  Many people there have probably given up, died, or failed to pass on the request they made to me to their offspring.

By Date, Top Down (Prove You are Alive and of Some Use)

One by one, read, then understand, then respond.  Move on. Unfortunately this is hard and requires thinking.  I wind easily.

Sort By Name, Work it by Person (Who Do I Want to Hate Me Less?)

This showed some promise, but it would worked a heck of a lot better if NEW people just stopped fricking e-mailing me.

Focus on the Critical/Flagged E-mail (Yeah I See Your Stupid Red Exclamation Point)

Kinda worked, but so many of my old e-mails reappear wrapped in urgent clothing.  They join the first generation urgents.  The numbers grow.  I lose heart.

Sort by Subject (What the Hell, Worth a Shot)

Very interesting method providing limited results.



So it is clear I can't help myself.

There are some strategies others have tried with some success (honest!):

• Use "Hey Stupid" in the subject line.  I offered this up as a tactic.  Some folks REALLY took a liking to it.  Like Tanning Mom to skin cancer liking it.
• It has been said e-mails taking the time to insult me have a higher response rate.  My whole "Hey Stupid" framework seems to support that.  
• Tweet me.  This seems to work.  I like Twitter.  Twitter doesn't judge you.  DMs aside, Twitter lacks an inbox.  I loathe inboxes.

Stupid out.

My 30,000th tweet is looming

So here I sit at 29,386 tweets (29,387 after I tweet a link to this post).

I wonder what number 30,000 will be.  My track record at knowing where I am at on my tweet count is dismal, so it definitely will not be anything planned.

Anyone care to make a prediction?  I have some familiarity with the posting patterns of @kellythul, so I can offer up some likely candidates - with odds no less...

1. A SyFy movie livetweet (3:1)
2. A hashtag game tweet (4:1)
3. Star Wars mention (5:1)
4. Saying something strange (5:1)
5. Declaring someone ENEMY OF THE STATE! (7:1)
6. Retweeting @anniecolbert (8:1)
7. Saying something mean (8:1)
8. Retweet in general (9:1)
9. Zombie mention (10:1)
10. Alice Cooper mention (10:1)
11. Saying something nice (92:1)

Feel free to toss your prediction in the comments section if you are so inclined.

My review of Undercover Boss: Darth Vader

Note: Everything after the first paragraph is made up.

I have grown to like Undercover Boss quite a bit.  I am sure the actual events are enhanced or edited to tidy up the story, but I'll watch the "nice hard working person just trying to get by catches a well earned break" story anytime.

That is why the Darth Vader episode threw me so much.  I am pretty sure this was the first Sith CEO  (well... maybe the DirectTV guy) they featured.  They really should have known better.  Here are some of my observations about this episode...

PRE-UNDERCOVER PREP

Did the actually think just taping photos on the front of Vader's mask would full ANYONE?  Basically all this accomplished was to amplify his breathing.  Yeah, I know he tried the "I have allergies" line, but seriously.   And the cape???  He kept the cape??

UNDERCOVER

I have to admit, he looked hilarious in the Jawa outfit on his first assignment on the Sandcrawler.  It basically looked like a dickey.  We did see to softer side of Vader though.  I counted at least three Jawas he was sure to stop force choking before they died.

The Kamino segment was painful to watch.  EVERY moment he was left alone in the clone factory he kept going "No, I am your Father".  Funny the first time.  And ONLY the first time.

The last one was the riskiest of course.  The Dark Lord of the Sith trying to manage the weapon firing controls on yet another Death Star under construction???  I am pretty sure some of the Stormtroopers knew what was up, but they played along.  He did seem to learn that targeting planets was trickier than he thought.  Unfortunately so did Bespin, Hoth, and Upatu.

THE WRAP UP

So, all the people he worked with showed up Sith HQ (in Delaware I think) to discover who they actually had worked with.  This totally did not goes as planned I expect.  It featured and unending string of force chokes, Sarlacc tosses, "You have failed me for the last time", "You are as clumsy as you are stupid", and so on.

Of course the Death Star Training Officer that brought up "Take you child to work Day" had it coming.